I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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