I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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