Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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