So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
