I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
