Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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