I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
