Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I need a beard to bite.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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