Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
