Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize