Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
this is an emotional support booty call
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
