Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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