Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
