there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
