Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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