fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
