so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
