Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you didnt know i had herpes?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
