Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
