So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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