She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
