Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
