yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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