YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
