I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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