I think i peed on brittanys purse
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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