I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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