doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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