you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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