I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
