I cockslap morals
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
