I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
