it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
