I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize