If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
