If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
