She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
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I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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