Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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