Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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