I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
