She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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