There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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