I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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