the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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