There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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