She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
