Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
