I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
