I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
