I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
