3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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