Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
