I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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