So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
