At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
