forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if only i could text you this smell
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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