Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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