i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
