Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
