ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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