yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
