it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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