We're facebook friends in real life
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
