i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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