He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
