her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize