One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
