we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
