Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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