Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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