I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
