i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i wish my penis had a tongue
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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