babies were throwing up all over the place
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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