I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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