whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Sext me about skeletons
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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