Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
