I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
