There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
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I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
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Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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