i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
