I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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