This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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