apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
