Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
