in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
