You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
