Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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