You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
