people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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