I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
